Healing and faith: Honoring Your Parents After Pain, Fear-Based Theology, and the Fifth Commandment (Part 1 with Christina)

Healing and faith can feel painfully tangled when the Bible says "honor your father and mother," but your story includes real pain, control, or even abuse. In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Christina and I talk about what it looks like to wrestle with the fifth commandment without rushing past the hard parts.


We start with the tension between Old Testament fear-based teaching and the New Testament reality of grace. Christina shares what it was like growing up in a church environment where perfection was preached as the requirement for love, and how that kind of hardened theology can distort your view of God, yourself, and your parents.


We also get practical and specific. We talk about how fear can make parents compliant, and how that fear often gets passed down to children through control and forced "obedience." Christina explains why she has searched for a black-and-white definition of honoring parents, and why this commandment can feel different than the others. We go into the original context of the promise attached to honoring parents, and we ask the honest question many adult kids carry: how does this apply now?


You will also hear us name something that hits deep for a lot of listeners: pleasing your parents is not the same as biblical honoring. If you grew up feeling responsible for your parent's emotions or reputation, this episode will help you start separating what God asks from what fear demands.


We talk about enmeshment, the pressure to keep parents happy, and what it means to become an adult with your own family system and priorities. And we touch on a surprising thread: how misunderstandings around "the rod and staff" can be used to justify harmful discipline, even when scripture is meant to point to protection and direction.


This is the beginning of a bigger conversation. In Part 2, Christina turns the tables and asks me about unconditional love, boundaries, and what I hope my kids carry forward. For now, sit with this: have you ever confused pleasing your parents with honoring them? And how might God be inviting you to see the difference?