How to Stop Trying to Control Others and Trust God With the People You Love

Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, "If they would just listen to me, things would be so much better"?

Maybe it's your child. Maybe it's someone you love deeply. Or maybe it's someone you don't even know very well, but you've already made up your mind about the decisions they're making.

And then God reminds you that their walk with Him isn't yours to manage.

In this episode of Perspectives Into Practice, I sit down with my new friend Wendy to talk about what God has been teaching her about judgment, grace, letting go of control, and trusting Him with the people around us.

Wendy shares a recent experience at a conference where she found herself questioning why a particular speaker had been invited. She already had opinions about him based on things he'd said in the past, and she wasn't exactly excited to hear what he had to say.

But as she sat there, God began asking her some questions of His own.

And one of them was simple: Do you trust Me?

What happened next challenged Wendy to recognize that people can grow, change, learn, and become more like Jesus, even when we aren't there to witness the process.
God reminded her of something He's been teaching her for a while now:
Eyes on your own paper, my dear.

Because sometimes we're so busy watching what someone else is doing that we miss what God is trying to do in us.And this gets even harder when the person we're watching is someone we love.

Wendy and I talk about what this looks like as mothers, especially as our children grow into adulthood and begin making decisions about their own faith.
We can teach them, encourage them, pray for them, and love them with everything we have. But we cannot walk their relationship with Jesus for them.
And trying to take responsibility for something that belongs to God can actually make it harder for us to love them well.

One of the things I appreciate about Wendy's perspective is that she isn't talking about giving up on people or pretending their choices don't matter.
She's learning to extend grace while still holding on to truth.
She's learning when to speak and when to be quiet.

And she's learning that trusting God with someone else's life doesn't mean loving them any less.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Trusting God with the people we love

• Recognizing when we've already judged someone before listening

• Letting God challenge our assumptions about other people

• Extending grace while still holding on to biblical truth

• Remembering that people can grow, change, and learn

• Why we need to keep our eyes on our own walk with Jesus

• What John 21 teaches us about following Jesus instead of comparing ourselves to others

• Letting go of control as our children become adults

• Trusting God with adult children who aren't walking with Him

• Recognizing what belongs to us and what belongs to God

• Learning when to speak and when to hold our tongues

• Loving someone without taking responsibility for their spiritual journey

• Creating a safe place for our children to come back to

• Praying for people without trying to control the outcome

• Asking God to help us see the hearts of the people around us

• Leading with curiosity, love, and grace instead of judgment

• Why Christian community matters when we're navigating difficult relationships

• Trusting that God's love for our children is greater than our own

One of the Scriptures Wendy brings us back to is John 21, where Peter asks Jesus about another disciple.

And Jesus essentially reminds him that his responsibility is to follow Him.
Not to manage someone else's calling.
Not to figure out someone else's future.
Just to follow Jesus.
And I think that's a reminder so many of us need.

Friend, maybe there's someone in your life right now that you've been carrying so tightly because you love them and you're afraid of what might happen if you let go.

You can love them deeply without being responsible for their entire journey.
You can pray for them without trying to control the answer.
You can care about the choices they're making and still trust that God is capable of meeting them in places you cannot reach.

God's love for them is greater than yours, and He's not asking you to take His place.

Maybe today is an invitation to put their paper back down, turn your attention toward your own, and ask God:

What are You doing in me right now?

You can learn more about Wendy Terry and connect with her at www.tcjhop.org.

And if you're looking for a place to share what God is doing in your life right now, I'd love to invite you into The Story Haven. It's our free community where Christian women share the real, right-now stories of what God is doing, encourage one another, and build genuine relationships as we walk out our faith together.

Join us at TheStoryHaven.net or find The Story Haven in the App Store or Google Play.

If God is doing something in your life right now that you feel called to share, I'd love to hear from you. You don't need a platform, a ministry, or a perfectly wrapped-up testimony. Visit PerspectivesIntoPractice.com to learn more about becoming a guest on the podcast.