Private vs Secret Christian: Knowing What Stays Sacred in Healing
Can I tell you something? Most of us don’t actually need more pressure to “share our story.” We need peace. We need wisdom. And we need to know the difference between something that’s private and something that’s secret.
That’s why the whole private vs secret christian conversation matters so much, especially for women who love Jesus and still want to be wise with their words.
Because some parts of your life are meant to be held close. Sacred. Not hidden in shame, just protected. And other parts? They don’t heal in isolation. They heal when light gets in.
So let’s talk about it like friends. No heavy condemnation. No over-sharing competition. Just truth, hope, and a little clarity.
Private vs secret christian: why this difference matters
I’ve sat across from women who felt stuck, not because God wasn’t moving, but because they didn’t know what to do with what they were carrying. Do I tell someone? Do I keep it to myself? Do I wait until I’m “more healed”?
And I get it. We’ve seen people share too much, too fast, in the wrong spaces. That can hurt. But we’ve also seen what happens when we never share at all.
Here’s the simple way I think about private vs secret christian choices.
Private usually says, “This is mine to steward with God, and I’m choosing wise boundaries.”
Secret usually says, “I’m hiding because I’m afraid, and it’s eating away at my peace.”
And friend, those two are not the same. Not even close.
Private is a boundary, not a prison
Private can be healthy. Private can be holy. Private can sound like, “This isn’t for everyone.”
Some things are still tender. Some stories involve other people who deserve dignity. Some details are not necessary for the listener. And that’s okay.
Even Jesus didn’t entrust Himself to everyone. He loved everyone, yes. But He didn’t give everyone access. There’s wisdom in that.
Secret is usually fear-based
Secrets tend to grow in the dark. They don’t just stay quiet. They start talking to you. They whisper things like, “You’re the only one,” or “If they knew, they’d back away,” or “You can never lead or be used by God now.”
And that’s not the voice of your Father.
Jessica often talks about how healing doesn’t happen in silence, it happens in safe spaces where truth can be spoken with kindness . That’s the heartbeat here. Not drama. Not exposure. Just healing.
How do you know if you’re being private or living in secrecy?
Does this sound familiar? You’re fine until someone asks a question that touches the edge of your story. And then your chest tightens. You smile. You change the subject. You go home and feel a weight you can’t explain.
That’s a moment worth paying attention to.
The private vs secret christian difference often shows up in what happens inside of us, not just what we say out loud.
Ask yourself what fruit it’s producing
I like to keep this simple. Look at the fruit.
- If keeping it private is producing peace, stability, and a sense of “God’s got me,” it’s probably a boundary.
- If keeping it quiet is producing anxiety, shame, isolation, and a fear of being found out, it may be secrecy.
One of the themes Jessica returns to again and again is that we aren’t meant to stay stuck in the past or trapped in rehearsed lines. We learn, we heal, and we move forward in the season we’re in .
Secrecy keeps you stuck. Private boundaries help you heal while you walk forward.
Notice who you’re protecting
This one is big.
Sometimes we say it’s “private,” but what we mean is, “I’m protecting myself from being judged.” Or, “I’m protecting my image.”
Other times, you are genuinely protecting what’s tender. You’re protecting your family. You’re protecting your children’s stories. You’re protecting timing. That can be wise and loving.
But if the main thing you’re protecting is your ability to look like you’ve got it all together, that’s usually not private vs secret christian wisdom. That’s fear trying to stay in charge.
What does Proverbs 4:23 have to do with this?
I love that Scripture doesn’t just tell us to “share everything.” It also doesn’t tell us to “hide everything.” It tells us to guard our hearts.
Proverbs 4:23 (CSB) says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
That verse isn’t a call to secrecy. It’s a call to stewardship.
And stewardship means I’m responsible for what I let in, and I’m also responsible for what I keep locked inside when God is asking me to bring it into the light.
Guarding your heart includes choosing safe people
Some of us heard “guard your heart” and turned it into “trust no one.”
But guarding your heart biblically isn’t isolating. It’s discerning. Jessica talks about safe community as a place where we can share real stories without pressure or shame .
Safe people are the ones who don’t try to fix you in five minutes. They don’t weaponize your vulnerability. They remind you of what’s true when you forget.
That’s guarding. Not hiding.
Guarding your heart includes letting light in, not spotlighting yourself
There’s a difference between bringing something into the light and putting it on display.
Light says, “I’m going to talk to God about this honestly. I’m going to tell one trusted person. I’m going to stop carrying this alone.”
A spotlight says, “I’m going to share all of it everywhere, all at once, and hope it makes me feel better.”
That’s not what we’re after.
We’re after steady healing. The kind that lasts.
How to share your story with freedom and wisdom
I remember hearing Jessica describe a moment after she shared her story publicly. Women lined up to hug her, and many said, “I thought I was the only one.” Her openness didn’t create chaos. It created connection .
That’s what healthy sharing does. It reminds our community we’re not alone.
So let’s make this practical. If you’re trying to live out private vs secret christian wisdom, here are a few simple ways to move forward without feeling forced.
Start with God before you start with people
Before you tell anyone, talk to Jesus. Just be honest.
Sometimes your first “sharing” is you finally praying without editing. No fancy words. Just truth.
And if you don’t know what to say, keep it simple. “Lord, help me. Show me what to do next.” Jessica often talks about prayers that are real, not polished, and how God meets us there .
Pick one safe person, not ten casual listeners
If you’ve been holding a secret, you don’t have to announce it to the world.
Choose one safe person. A close friend, a mentor, a pastor’s wife, a counselor, a trusted leader in your church. Someone who has maturity, confidentiality, and compassion.
That’s a good step. A strong step.
Share the level of detail that serves healing
Here’s permission you might need. You can tell the truth without telling every detail.
You can say, “I went through something hard and I’m working through it,” without giving someone the play-by-play. You can say, “I need prayer,” without explaining every reason why.
This is part of private vs secret christian maturity. We share for healing. Not for shock. Not for attention.
Use this simple filter before you speak
I use a quick set of questions that helps me slow down.
- Is this mine to share (or does it mostly belong to someone else)?
- Is this the right person?
- Is this the right time?
- Am I sharing from peace, or from panic?
- Will this bring light and healing, or just stir things up?
You don’t have to overthink forever. But a pause can protect your heart.
What to keep private, and what not to keep secret
Let’s get super clear. Because I know some of you like examples. I do too.
Private vs secret christian discernment usually shows up in these everyday categories.
Things that can be private (and still healthy)
- Personal prayer requests that are still tender
- Marriage struggles you’re working through with counsel and care
- Family issues that involve your kids’ stories
- Medical information you don’t feel called to share publicly
- Early dreams and callings you’re still praying through
Private doesn’t mean you never talk about it. It means you share it intentionally.
Things that shouldn’t stay secret
- Anything that keeps you isolated and ashamed
- Ongoing sin patterns that need accountability
- Addictions or harmful coping that are growing in the dark
- Situations where you or someone else is unsafe
- Anything God keeps nudging you to bring into the light
This is where community matters. Jessica has shared how safe groups help women exhale and realize they aren’t alone, and that healing is found in truth told gently .
Secrets isolate. Light reconnects.
But what if I’m afraid I’ll be judged?
Of course you are. You’re human. And some of us have been judged before. That leaves a mark.
But here’s what I want to say softly and clearly. The right people won’t be shocked by your humanity. They’ll be honored you trusted them.
And if someone responds poorly, it doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing. It might just mean they weren’t the right person for that part of your story.
In Jessica’s book, she describes the enemy’s strategy as keeping us in the dark where shame and fear whisper, but when we bring our wounds into Christ’s light, shame loses its grip .
That’s not a threat. That’s an invitation.
And it’s good news.
Choose grace over guilt
If you’ve hidden things for a long time, don’t beat yourself up. Shame loves to pile on. Jesus doesn’t.
This can be a new start. A small step. A different choice.
Jessica says it so well, you don’t have to be polished. You’re allowed to be in-progress, and God delights in willingness .
That includes you, right now.
Practical next steps for private vs secret christian freedom
Okay. Let’s bring this home.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I know I’ve been keeping something secret,” here are a few simple steps you can take this week.
- Pray one honest prayer and name what you’ve been carrying.
- Write down one name of a safe person you could talk to (just one).
- Ask God for timing and courage, then send the text that sets up a conversation.
- Decide ahead of time what details are necessary and what can stay private.
- After you share, breathe. Thank God for the light. Let that be enough for today.
You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to take a step.
And you know what I’ve seen, over and over? When one woman chooses light, it doesn’t just change her. It blesses her family. It shifts her friendships. It changes the tone of an entire community. Jessica talks about how one honest conversation can ripple outward and bless others .
That’s how God works. Quietly. Kindly. Thoroughly.
A gentle reminder before you go
Your story matters. But you are not required to share it with everyone.
Private vs secret christian wisdom is learning the difference between sacred privacy and fear-based hiding.
Private can be loving. Secret can be heavy.
And if God is inviting you to bring something into the light, He’s not doing it to expose you. He’s doing it to heal you.
I’m cheering you on, sister. One small step at a time.
