How to Comfort Someone Biblically When Someone Shares Their Pain
Can I tell you something?
Most of us don’t freeze because we don’t care. We freeze because we care so much. Someone finally trusts you with a painful story and suddenly you’re thinking, What do I say? What do I do with my face? Do I hug her? Do I pray? Do I offer advice?
If you’ve ever wondered how to comfort someone biblically, you’re not alone. And you’re not failing because you don’t have a perfect line ready. Honestly, comfort rarely sounds impressive. It usually sounds simple.
And here’s the thing. When someone is sharing something tender, the goal isn’t to fix her. It’s to be with her. That’s one of the most biblical things we can do.
How to comfort someone biblically without trying to fix them?
Start with presence, not a speech
I remember sitting with a friend who was sharing something heavy. I could feel my brain scrambling, trying to come up with the right words. I wanted to help. I wanted to make it better.
But what she needed first was my presence. My calm. My eyes staying on hers. No multitasking. No checking my phone. Just me staying put.
How to comfort someone biblically often starts right here. Staying. Not rushing. Not trying to tie a bow on it. Just being a steady place for a minute.
Let your face match your heart
This sounds small, but it matters. If your face looks shocked, disgusted, or panicked, she’ll feel it. Even if you say all the right things.
So breathe. Keep your expression soft. If you’re tearing up, that’s okay. If you’re not, that’s okay too. We’re not performing compassion. We’re offering it.
Romans 12:15 gives us a clear picture
One of the verses I come back to again and again is Romans 12:15 (CSB), “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
That’s not a complicated assignment. It’s not a theological exam. It’s a picture of shared humanity, held in the presence of God.
If you want to know how to comfort someone biblically, start with this, weep with those who weep. And sometimes “weep” looks like quiet listening and a hand held across the table.
What should you say in the moment when someone shares a painful story?
Use simple words that feel safe
We tend to overthink this part. I get it. But you don’t need a script. You need a few steady phrases you can reach for when your mind goes blank.
Here are a few options that are honest, warm, and grounded (and yes, they work in real life):
- “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
- “I’m so sorry you went through that.”
- “That makes sense that it hurts.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “Do you want to tell me more, or do you want quiet for a minute?”
How to comfort someone biblically isn’t always about quoting a verse immediately. It’s about making room for her to breathe and be seen.
Ask permission before offering advice
This one can change everything. Because advice can feel like pressure when someone is already carrying too much.
Try something like, “Would you like my thoughts, or do you just need me to listen?”
And if she says, “Just listen,” then your job is clear. Listen.
Validate without trying to solve
You can validate her pain without making promises you can’t keep. You don’t have to say, “Everything will be fine,” because sometimes you don’t know that yet.
You can say, “You didn’t deserve that,” or “That sounds so lonely,” or “I’m glad you told me.”
How to comfort someone biblically includes truth-telling. Gentle truth. The kind that doesn’t rush her healing.
What should you not say if you want to comfort someone biblically?
Avoid the rush to explain
I’ve heard people say things like, “God allowed it for a reason,” or “At least it made you stronger,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
Can God redeem? Yes. Can God bring beauty from ashes? Yes. But timing matters. And when someone is actively bleeding on the inside, explanations can feel like dismissal.
How to comfort someone biblically means we don’t have to defend God with a one-liner. God can handle Himself. He’s near. He’s present. And He’s patient.
Don’t compare stories
This is a common one, and most people mean well.
But when someone shares something painful and we respond with, “That happened to me too,” it can accidentally pull the attention away from her. If sharing your story will help her feel less alone, keep it short and bring it right back to her.
You can say, “I’ve had my own hard moments too, and I’m here with you.” Then stop. Let her keep talking.
Don’t force a timeline on healing
Avoid phrases like, “You should be over this by now,” or “Just forgive and move on,” or even “You just need more faith.”
That’s not how God treats us. He’s steady. He’s kind. He’s not in a hurry.
How to comfort someone biblically means we honor process. We don’t rush someone through the exact place Jesus is trying to meet her.
How do you hold space well and still bring biblical hope?
Offer prayer, but keep it simple
Sometimes people want prayer right away. Sometimes they don’t. So I like to ask, “Would it feel okay if I prayed for you?”
If she says yes, keep it simple. This is not the time for a five minute sermon prayer.
Try something like, “Jesus, thank You that You see her. Please bring comfort, strength, and peace. Help her feel held today. Amen.”
How to comfort someone biblically can be as simple as inviting Jesus into the room with a gentle prayer.
Bring Scripture like a cup of water, not a hammer
Scripture is life. It’s steady. It’s healing.
But it has to be offered with love, not pressure. If the moment feels right, you can share one verse and a short sentence of why you’re sharing it. Then pause.
You could say, “This verse has helped me when I didn’t have words.” And then share Romans 12:15 again, or a comfort passage that fits.
How to comfort someone biblically includes Scripture, yes. But it also includes wisdom about timing.
Follow up like you mean it
This is where love gets practical.
Don’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Most hurting people won’t. They don’t want to feel like a burden.
Instead, try one of these:
- “I’m going to text you tomorrow. What time is best?”
- “Can I bring you dinner Tuesday or Thursday?”
- “Do you want to take a walk this weekend?”
- “I’m praying for you. Do you want to tell me what feels hardest today?”
How to comfort someone biblically includes showing up after the initial conversation is over. That’s where trust grows. That’s where healing can start to feel possible.
A simple way to remember how to comfort someone biblically
Think, presence, permission, prayer
If you like something easy to remember, here you go. Presence, permission, prayer.
- Presence, stay calm, stay near, listen
- Permission, ask before advice, ask before prayer, ask what she needs
- Prayer, invite Jesus in simply, gently, without pressure
That’s it. Not flashy. Not complicated. But it’s faithful.
And friend, if you’re worried you’ll mess it up, let me ease your mind. Most people don’t remember the exact sentence you said. They remember how safe they felt with you.
How to comfort someone biblically is less about getting every word perfect and more about loving like Jesus right there in the moment.
One more thing, for the woman who is listening to painful stories often
You are allowed to have limits
If you’re the friend everyone comes to, I want to say this kindly. You are allowed to have boundaries.
You can say, “I care about you so much, and I want to be present, but I’m not in a space to talk at midnight.” You can say, “This is heavy, and I want to help you find the right support.”
How to comfort someone biblically doesn’t mean you become someone’s savior. We already have one. And He’s very good at His job.
Bring it back to Jesus, every time
Not in a preachy way. In a gentle way.
Sometimes it sounds like, “I’m here, and I also believe God is here with you.” Sometimes it sounds like, “Can we ask Jesus for help together?”
But we keep pointing back to the One who holds every part of her story. Even the parts she can barely say out loud.
That’s how to comfort someone biblically. With presence. With love. With hope that doesn’t rush.
And if you want a simple prayer to carry into your next hard conversation, you can borrow mine. “Jesus, help me love her well.”
He will.
