Biblical Surrender in Marriage: How to Breathe New Life Into Your Relationship
Can I tell you something? Marriage is not always easy. We start out with the best hopes. Then life comes in, with dishes, diapers, deadlines, and distractions. Somewhere between those first tender promises and the daily grind, we can find ourselves feeling more like roommates than partners. But here’s the thing – that is not the story God wrote for us.
In our latest podcast episode, I sat across from Elisa, a woman who has lived through this. We talked about what it means to experience biblical surrender in marriage. And what happens when you finally say yes – not just to your spouse, but to God’s way of restoring and renewing your relationship. If you’ve ever wondered if something as simple and as scary as surrender can change your marriage, let’s sit awhile together. This is for you.
What Does Biblical Surrender in Marriage Look Like, Really?
I want you to picture this: Standing in your laundry-filled garage, still wearing yesterday’s worry on your face. God whispers a simple question – Are you willing to try? That was Elisa’s moment. Maybe yours looks different, but the invitation is always the same. Biblical surrender in marriage is not waving a white flag or giving up your voice. It’s saying, "God, your way first. Not mine." It’s letting go of “me first” thinking and stepping into the model of oneness God designed.
Many of us try to do marriage in our own strength. We love each other, sure, but we make mistakes. We put careers or kids or even the laundry ahead of our spouse. We keep tally marks in our heads: how many times did I do the dishes, how many times did you say no, how many “little things” annoyed me today. Before we know it, we’ve built a wall taller than either one of us meant to.
But biblical surrender in marriage tears down that wall, brick by brick. Surrender means inviting God into the center. It means choosing grace over grudges, prayer instead of pride, and placing our spouse’s needs above our preferences. It is intentional and practical. Not just a feeling but an action. And it is where real breakthrough begins.
Shifting From Transaction to True Connection
How many of you have been stuck in that spot? The transactions pile up, but the intimacy disappears. Maybe you are doing all the right things – soccer practice, grocery runs, the bills are paid. But underneath, something’s missing.
Let me just say, I’ve been there too. I’ve heard story after story like Elisa’s: "We’re just good roommates. We lost track of oneness." Friends, biblical surrender in marriage is not about ignoring problems. It’s about asking, is my heart open? Am I putting God first and then making space for my spouse – not just in theory, but in my calendar, my attitude, my prayers?
How Does Surrender Change the Way You Love?
I remember when I realized that my order was off. God, spouse, then children – that’s what biblical surrender in marriage looks like. So simple, but easy to forget when the kids need you or your schedule is overflowing. I heard it again in our conversation – when Elisa chose to step into a “yes” after so many “no’s,” everything started to shift. She put aside her preference. She trusted God would meet her in her weakness. And He did.
I think about Genesis 2:24 (CSB): "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh." That’s not just about a wedding day. It’s about a lifetime. Becoming one flesh is a spiritual, emotional, and practical oneness we build – day by day, act by act of surrender. Biblical surrender in marriage isn’t just about physical intimacy. It’s about showing up for each other. Saying, I’ll let the little things slide. I’ll invest in you because we are on the same team.
What Happens When You Choose to Surrender?
- You move from isolation to connection – the “wall” starts coming down.
- Your spouse flourishes when they know they are your priority.
- The atmosphere in your home shifts from tension to teamwork.
- You start to communicate honestly about needs, hopes, and struggles.
Every marriage will look different. For Elisa and her husband, it meant a 60-day commitment to physical intimacy, yes. But the deeper miracle was in the everyday decisions. Doing the dishes without being asked. Putting hearts and calendars together. Laughter coming back. Eye contact instead of eye rolls. (Hand to heart, these things matter.)
Practical Ways to Practice Biblical Surrender in Marriage
So many of us wonder – what does this look like every day? It’s easy to talk about surrender, but what does it look like when you are tired? Here are a few gentle, practical steps that anyone can start today.
Setting Aside Time, Not Just Space
You know what helped Elisa and her husband? Scheduling their marriage. I know that doesn’t sound romantic, but it’s real. Date nights, yes. But also simple walks, “shoulder to shoulder” talks (especially for the men in our lives). And time without the phones. When was the last time you sat together and talked without interruptions? Five minutes a day is where it starts. Let it grow from there.
Choosing Connection Over Convenience
Biblical surrender in marriage means asking, am I willing to put you first even when it’s inconvenient? That might mean folding the laundry when you are tired. Or asking a new question instead of scrolling through your phone. Sometimes it is as simple as pausing, looking into your spouse’s eyes, and saying, “You matter to me.”
- Set “appointments” for intentional connection (not just logistics)
- Try walking outside or sitting somewhere new to talk
- Use conversation cards to learn something new about each other
Letting Grace Fill the Gaps
No marriage gets it right every day. We mess up, miss each other, say and do things we regret. I love how biblical surrender in marriage means inviting grace in those messy moments. God knows every frustration and every little way we keep trying. His grace is enough to cover us, every single time.
Making Surrender a Habit, Not a One-Time Fix
Here’s the secret. Surrender isn’t a one-time “mountaintop” decision. It’s a daily, sometimes hourly, practice. It is choosing again and again – to listen, to forgive, to hold hands, to pray (even a short prayer), and to stay on the same team. Even after years, seasons will change. Maybe you are raising kids, balancing work, or caring for aging parents now. Biblical surrender in marriage meets you in each new place.
How Can You Start Fresh With Biblical Surrender in Marriage Today?
If your marriage feels stuck, transactional, or distant, you are so not alone. Sometimes all it takes is one small yes. Try setting aside 15 minutes twice this week to have a real conversation. Use a conversation starter card, or just ask, "What’s on your heart this week?" Take a walk. Leave the phones behind. Look for a way to lighten your spouse’s load – even a small act counts (dishes, anyone?).
Biblical surrender in marriage is about more than just “giving up.” It’s about letting God guide you, daring to hope for more, and making real changes one action at a time. Your marriage is worth it. You are not meant to do this alone, or in your own strength. God meets us right in the middle of our ordinary places – the garage, the kitchen, the minivan. He offers grace, every day.
And friend, if all you can offer today is one small yes, trust that God can breathe new life into what feels ordinary. He’s still writing your story, and your marriage is not finished.
Listen to the full episode for more encouragement and practical ways to start living out biblical surrender in marriage. If something stirred in you today, I want to hear about it. Our community is made stronger every time we share how God is working in our real, messy, beautiful lives. Let us put these perspectives into practice, together.
Looking for more? Check out our past episodes on building healthy communication and simple faith habits for your marriage. There is hope, mama. Let’s take the next step, together.
